Hail, Charred Walls of the Damned and disgraceful behaviour by the bar!

Been keeping on the straight and narrow for ages. That means, going straight edge, especially at a metal show. I prefer to be an observer these days...

Holly, also known as the "Cherub of Defenestration" for her unothodox ways invited me to see the Hail show at BB Kings last week. That's the "super group" featuring Ripper Owens on vocals, Mike Portnoy on drums, Dave Ellefson on bass and Andreas Kisser on guitar. They had a revolving door of guests performing certain songs - Frankie Bello, Bobby 'Blitz' and Chris Caffery. As a metal cover band, Hail certainly showcased Ripper's eclectic vocal style. He might not have sung AC/DC covers as well as Bobby 'Blitz' did but his delivery on Pantera material was surprisingly fabulous.

After the show, Holly took me backstage to say hi to these guys who she has known for a while since she works with the American oracle of metal - mr Eddie Trunk on his Sirius classic rock radio show. Unfortunately, she imbibed too much Whisky and left me, my big hair and boobs to fend off for ourselves in there. I was stone cold sober and trying my best to blend in with the wallpaper. Actually, she did introduce me to Frankie Bello and Chris Caffery, bless. But Mike Portnoy was nowhere to be found. Until I went for a fag with Munsey (Ricci, metal pr guru over here) and the Portnoy turned up but was too overwhelmed to talk to anyone. He asked me to put out my fag as well. Bless.

Anyway, that's the way shit goes sometimes. I followed his orders and scuttled away terrified. It took me a whole minute to get over it. From that night on, Whisky Wings replaced the Cherub of Defenestration as Holly's monicker.

She also invited me to the release party of Charred Walls of the Damned on Tuesday this week. That's the death / black metal band that drummer Richard Christie put together with Ripper Owens,Steve Di Giorgio and Jason Suecof (Google these Biatches if metal is not your business). Ripper and Richard were there to sign copies of the album as was their label boss, Brian Slagel.

Whisky Wings promised to stay sober at that event though, by the end of the night, I am pretty sure that at least one of her wings got dipped in alcohol and not by mistake. On top of that, this Biatch's straight edge stance flew out of the window as people were buying me shots. And let's be frank, I am a wimp when it comes to alcohol. Two beers and I'm drunk. So seven vodka + Red Bulls and two shots later, I was obliterated.

I used to despise people that claimed they couldnt remember what they got up to after a night on the tiles. Tuesday night is the first time it ever happened to me. All I remember is getting pounced on by this guy by the bar, ahem. Unlikely behaviour since I am always so sober and in control when I attend events related to work (ok, if you dont count the Kerrang! Awards last year either).

So, all I remembered the morning after was laughing my ass off at this guy's jokes which included select members of the metal militia servicing him gaily. Somehow, though, he conned me there 'cos there was nothing too gay about this male specimen. I am referring to the make-out session by the bar. The tawdry details surfaced in dribs and drabs. Like squirting vodka into his mouth or biting him on the cheek as Holly and I posed for a pic with him (or was it the other way around?). Also, I have no recollection of falling over and grabbing onto this other guy's face earlier in the evening. Frank, the guy in question, is a friend of Holly's and he told her that I scratched his face with my nails as I fell and drew blood. Disgraceful behaviour. He didnt complain, however, as he now looks like Wolverine.

All this shit went on as Holly was busy hanging out with someone else by the bar. We seem to enjoy doing things in a spectacular fashion, ahem. Anyway, that's all I am willing to disclose right now.

All in all, it was a fabulous night and we missed pretty much everything that was going on downstairs (live bands).

It is obvious to say that we cannot wait to do it all over again. Maybe only one more time this year, at least.

Pee

Drum-off in LA on Jan 8th - Billy Cobham, Tommy Lee, Jason Bonham, Chad Smith and more...

After much back and forth about budget, I flew to LA to cover this event for Rhythm (and escape from the New York cold). Truth is, I just cannot say no to a handful of drummers.

From fusion legend Billy Cobham and lanky rocker Tommy Lee, to esoteric prog guru Danny Carey and funk monster Chad Smith, I knew this would be a great event for anybody that got a kick out of cheering at grown men smacking heads without landing in jail. I feel there is something very peculiar about humans with abilities that allow their separate limbs to hit different surfaces while following a pattern that makes the rest of us want to shake our booties.

When Red Hot Chili Peppers / Chickenfoot's Chad Smith gets behind the kit, for example, I find it hard to stop my own booty from shaking. And that's even before he's begun hitting those skins.

Tool's Danny Carey and Brann Dailor from Mastodon were booked to inject some prog into the equation. And indeed they did.



Drum stories, pictures and anecdotes of this particular event in the Rhythm blog - http://www.rhythmmag.co.uk/ - Chad Smith truly stole the show as he turned up on stage wearing a huge platinum afro and black shades.

Interviews with Tommy Lee and Jason Bonham were cancelled at the last minute which meant that I had free reign to hit the VIP bar with Party Boy Hinkle without caring about the consequences. Funny that the first peeps we bumped into were the Rick Sales Management team who were there to support Mastodon drummer Brann Dailor. Brann was the picture of smoothness, so nothing new there.

I spent most of the evening running up and down between the stage and the VIP bar (it's a tough life). I must have smoked a total of three cigarettes the evening was so busy. Luckily, while I was outside lighting the last one for the night, I bumped into Masto manager Nick John with whom I started to discuss Chad Smith's mind-blowing performance. At one point, Nick pointed at three people chatting by the backstage door on the other side of the barriers and said:-"I think the guy in the checkered shirt is Chad Smith." "Nooooo," I cooed. "Don't say that, Nick!! Are you sure??" (very dramatic when I've had a few). This is while I confided to him that when I had my drums set up at home in London, I'd tell my bass player flat mate, Wendy:-"Are you ready? It's time for us to be Chad and Flea." This usually occurred as we rehearsed various Chili Peppers covers which increased our already long list of enemies in the local neighbourhood.

Moved by an undescribable urge to seize that opportunity, I encouraged Nick to get on the other side of the barriers and go talk to Chad. Nick dragged me along, promising to vouch for me in case we got stopped by some security nazi - he had one of those Access All Showers passes after all. As we got closer to Chad, we noticed he was chatting to a couple of friends so Nick and I hung around looking "busy" until it was time to strike. As Chad said goodbye to his friends, I moved in for the kill (that's dramatic talk for "I told him my name and we shook hands"). Then we got chatting about his groove-laden performance wearing the white afro wig and I told him I loved the Molecules drum kit he chose to play on. He was like a cute school girl cooing as he thanked me for the compliment. Goddamn, I got 15 years' worth of the same in here, m'darling. See here the Molecules drum kit - sexy stuff!



Chad asked me what I was doing in LA and I told him about the Rhythm review. He was totally in the know about who the last two Rhythm editors were and was aware of the magazine. Then as I got more confident, I bored the poor man about me as a kid playing at being him behind the kit. He acted surprised. Which surprised me. I guess it was because I am not that much younger than him but anyway, then I plucked up the courage to ask him for a picture together, he agreed and I wasted three minutes of his life looking for my camera. My handbag suddenly turned into Felix's Amazing Underpants where you find all sorts of shit that you dont actually need. "I am so sorry, Chad," I pleaded with him. "It is in here, you mind waiting one more minute?" Chad was the epitome of COOL and SMOOTH as he gallantly waited until I found the little bastard.



Woohoo look at me with Chad here! (annoying fan girl right here!)

Nick John quickly took two pictures and I explained to Chad that it was just in case in the first one he came out looking like Will Ferrell. That made him giggle and if I were a cartoon character, little red hearts would have come out of my head then. Before he left, I wished him the best with all his various projects and wondered whether I was the only person who felt weirded out by Chickenfoot as a band name. "Nope," Chad chuckled. "You're not the only one." As he disappeared behind the backstage door, Nick and I slapped a couple of high-fives in mid air and giggled like...teenage hyenas.

After such a hot encounter, I knew I could take anything on. So I went Danny Carey-hunting with Nick. As we walked around the backstage area, a very hassled Tommy Lee ran past me. No sign of DC anywhere so Nick took me down to the dressing rooms and as I caught a glimpse of the Tool drummer, I went a bit shy. What the fuck is wrong with me these days? Oh yeah, it was probably cos he was standing next to Brann Dailor (HA!)...and they were both singing one of my favourite Queen songs - 'I am in love with my car' (giggling away in between). "I love that song!" I cooed. "Roger Taylor sings it..." Danny offered his opinion on why Roger Taylor was singing about being in love with his car but it was too esoteric for me to remember. I went outside in the corridor with Nick for a chat. As Brann came out to join us, I whispered that I really wanted to have a picture taken with Danny and wondered whether that would be possible. "Not a problem," said the awesome Masto drummer. "I'll introduce you." That man is really quite fab with me, bless him. But enough sentimentalism for one blog.

We went back to the dressing room and Brann approached the Tool drummer with panache:-"Danny, I would like to introduce you to a very good friend of mine, Patrizia. We have known each other for a long time. Do you know Patrizia, Danny?" "You look familiar," Danny offered while staring as if his brain was running through a database of acquaintances and industry wankers. "I think we have met a couple of times before...was it in London? And...Norway?" Good god, Sir, what an amazing memory, I am that industry wanker, yes! We met in London in 2002 and then again in Norway in 2006. Ugh! Anyway, I squeezed in between Danny and Brann and Nick took yet another picture. Shame I didnt ask for a second one cos I look like a right five-chinned pelican sandwiched between those two sweethearts. I gotta photoshop a hot face on that piece of shit. Check it out.



I left pretty much after that and went to join Party Boy Hinkle, Rei and his best friend Dave Lombardo back in the VIP bar. My work was done for the night. Or so I thought. Ahem. One thing I should point out is that Slayer rhythm powerhouse, Dave Lombardo seemed to be happy to hang out. When on tour with Slayer I only ever caught glimpses of Lombardo, either in a hurry to get to the venue or to leave it.



I am not sure whether Party Boy Hinkle saw any of the stage shows. I guess he was too busy living up to his name. I met some of his lovely mates including Marilyn Manson / Megadeth tour manager Tracey, Monster energy drink music sponsorship director Brent and his assistant Danielle. Party Boy Hinkle also introduced me to some of the guys from In This Moment who, strangely enough, asked me to have a picture taken with them before they left LOL!



The day after that I was majorly hungover and felt less than "trøø". I spent a lot of time fucking around online while Party Boy Hinkle was sitting on the sofa opposite me doing exactly the same.

That night we went to a local bar on La Brea and we met up with Rei, Andrew (Carter, ex Terrorizer dep editor) and Jason (an actor friend of PBH who has a part in the new 'Nip Tuck' series - fab show!). The bar was fun, they played no metal and yet, a trendy boy came up to me and said "Is that a Darkthrone tshirt you're wearing!?" "Yeah," I replied dumb-founded. "How the fuck would you know?!" I didnt bother waiting for an answer though and walked out to have a fag. Aside that, we went back to Party Boy Hinkle's but I only managed to have one glass of red wine before my eyes began to cross. Jetlag is a lame affliction. I was not trøø. Thing is,I got to meet and exchange a few words with Chad Smith the night before so I honestly feel I earned enough trøø points to look trøø even if I listened to Fueled By Ramen bands for the rest of the year.



The thought of returning to the cold of New York fills my pants with black widows - not my idea of fun. I really want to move to LA now. Party Boy Hinkle even lives one block from Kat Von D's tattoo shop - he's too trøø! Now, it is 7pm and I wonder...if I dont pack my suitcase and miss my flight to New York tonight, does that mean I have already moved to Los Angeles?

While you work that one out, dont forget to read my Drum-Off review on the Rhythm blog! Drum nerds the lot of ya!

Miss Pee

ps. I did go to The Rainbow on my first night in LA which was a lot of fun but whatever, guys. I met Chad Smith and I dont even care that I lost my credit card that night. I am trøø.

Soundgarden reunited...

...I remember them back in the day. They played in London a few times and I got to see them. When I interviewed him for Tinitus a few years back, John Pettibone from Himsa told me that he used to see Kim Thayl at various gigs in Seattle and that as a respectful dude that he is, he always used to buy bands' merch. Trivial stuff but it was exciting to hear something (anything!) about the guitarist of one of my favourite bands growing up. Plus, I remember John also mentioned that Kim was jamming with someone and that maybe that would get some exposure soon. Well, with Soundgarden back together, everything else will obviously take a backseat.

So, Soundgarden at Sonisphere?

Time will tell. I am certainly keeping my fingers crossed.

Pee xx

2010 - I am ready for a change...again!

After a year during which I moved continents, didnt live in the same place for longer than three months and went through more experiences than in the previous 38 years crammed together, I am ready for a change. Hear me, Universe?? A change!

No doubt it might just be due to Uranus' scraping against my natal Moon (in Pisces in my 7th House), I have never felt so "out there", outspoken and uncompromising as I have done this past year.

Living in New York has certainly injected something extra up my butt as I threw caution to the wind and did things that I would not expect any of my friends to understand:

I went on 23 dates with men whose age ranged from 19 to 66 (the latter was a jokey blind date though);

None of them amounted to SHIT;

Liar. Around six of those I had sex with;

I spent the longest time with my family since 1988 (three months) and got close to them all over again;

I spent time with my beloved grandmother - she is the best;

I hung out with my brother quite a bit and got to know him better - he was the one that spent time listening to me when I was down over a particular guy in summer;

I visited four countries in two different continents;

I wrote a lot;

I dealt with writer's block;

I had prophetic dreams involving the man of my dreams;

I received a drunken phone call from the man of my dreams where he told me he missed me and wished I could have been next to him and a bunch of amazing other things which freaked me out (in a good way);

I hung out with the man of my dreams several times;

I kissed him;

I succumbed to his sexual charms;

I received two text messages from him to say that he loved it;

I found out that the man of my dreams had been fantasising sexually about me this year;

I was told the man of my dreams had been thinking about me A LOT this year;

I re-established contact with ex boyfriends and had amazing times with old friends;

I made new friends with awesome people;

I made new friends that I would love to get to know better;

I spent a lot of quality time with my little moggie, Ame;

I read at least five inspiring books and got in touch with two of their authors (thank you, Lisa Barretta and Robert Hopcke);

The list goes on and on and for all that has happened to me this year, I am as grateful as my Facebook status updates were sour. The overall experience has been exhilarating and I honestly wonder what the new year will bring. I am not sure I am ready for it but I have no choice AND! As my most entertaining friend Miss Liger-Edinger told be in the past - an unbeatable spirit.

What matters to me more than anything right now is to follow my heart. I am a free spirit. I look at some people out there whose fear of trying new things imprisons them into a humdrum type life and it saddens me but that is their path. Good luck to them.

Happy New Year to everyone and may the Force be with US!

Miss Pee changes career - Royal Flush Film Festival promo

Sick of writing about music, interviewing bands and producing radio shows for a living, I have realised that my true vocation in life is to be a "supersnogger" of 20-year-old boys.

For obvious reasons, I'd love to extend my portfolio, so if you have a film, video etc for which you need a person to play such a role, send me the script.

Check out the awesome Royal Flush Film Festival promo and come down to the festival in New York this week! You are not in New York? Get your ass over. They fly planes here these days, you know?



See ya there, Bitches!

Miss Pee xx

Stephen Colbert - friend or foe?

After nine months of fantasising, hoping, posting shit about and obsessing over Stephen Colbert, I managed to get a couple of tickets for The Colbert Report. To say that I was hyperventilating at the thought of being in the same room as the man that makes me laugh (slightly) more than Chewie is an understatement.

It was Elisa (aka "Mariolino")'s birthday last night and our loose plan to go watch Chicago at the Ambassador Theater shattered like a window in the proximity of Montserrat Caballe. I knew I wouldnt have got another chance to meet my satire hero for another six months as that is the rule for people that apply for online tix. Elisa had absolute NO idea who Stephen Colbert was (she lives in Milan, Italy) but tagged along anyway. For anyone else out there who has never heard of this show, The Colbert Report has about 1 million viewers in the US alone.

Since I'd resigned myself to to the fact that I'd never get those tickets, when I received the email from the Audience Officer that a pair had been reserved for me, I replied three times with something that probably translated to "mad twat" to them. I consequently got a couple of fun reminder emails from them saying "You really got these tickets for tonight". So when I received a third one, I thought I'd join in the fun and replied with "I guess you guys are taking the piss now which is awesome. I'll be the one with the 'Enjoy Cock' tshirt on tonight." The silly "reminder" emails stopped though I suddenly received one from the lady in charge that read "Enjoy the show but please dress in a tv friendly manner. Have fun." So what did I do? I turned up wearing that tshirt. When we met in the queue, the audience lady panicked:-"Oh my god, you did wear it anyway! You are going to get me in trouble tonight..." A comedy show with NO sense of humour? Yawn. I offered to change but she let me in anyway as I proved I had a pair of solid lungs on me. They do this silly thing before they hand you your tickets:- they ask you to scream like an absolute baboon after they go "Welcome to the Colbert Report!" I have been to a couple of Metallica shows and screaming is like second nature. Once inside, she prepped us by begging us to laugh out loud at Stephen's jokes even if they werent funny. Nobody laughed at that but her. Oh God. Strike me now.

The evening began with a comedian called Dan Cook. His job was to warm us up. Rather funny, surreal in an Eddie Izzard sort of way, Dan Cook managed to turn me off by the time I realised he'd been on for 10 minutes. He was NO Eddie Izzard after all. Or it was 'cos waiting for Goofball Colbert soon became unbearable. As the various cameramen and the floor manager turned up, Dan Cook introduced the arrival of the creator of Esteban Colberto.

As the lights went on and Stephen Colbert turned up, I went cold. Though as I got out of the trance, I somehow climbed up the rails by the side of the studio. I only realised I'd got up there once I snapped out of it. We were all told that Colbert would turn up "out of character" but I didnt notice the difference. We were also told that we could ask him a question. I had a wicked one but unfortunately, my hand didnt get picked. Might have had something to do with the fact that I raised my middle finger up. What to do to get myself picked next time, hold a dildo up like the flame for the statue of Liberty? The questions asked were lame but Stephen turned things around and made jokes out of pretty much everything. It was like polishing a turd but that's what he had to work with that night. One girl who asked him why he chose a certain subject at university. Stephen wondered what she picked herself. "Philosophy," she coily replied. I yawned aloud. Stephen jumped back:-"Why is that, so that when you graduate, you can open a philosophy shop?" A lady asked him "Where is my daughter?" (What a fucking waste of time) but he found her boring ass spawn on the other side of the audience section and as her pushy mother asked another tedious question - "She is a writer, ask her what she likes to write," (lady, we honestly do not give a shit), Stephen posed that question to the girl. "I dont know, you're putting me on the spot now," she stattered. My fist through her annoyingly vacuous head would have been more entertaining. She managed to say something along the lines of loving poetry so Stephen went on to cite a passage from a poem off the top of his head. He interacted with the audience for about 15 minutes in total, after which the show taping began.

Colbert sat behind his desk and began flicking red wrist bands out to the audience and as he went into the show intro - "TONIGHT!" - he muddled up the first take. "Taping is over," he joked. "The show seems much longer on tv." He did the intro one more time, fucked it up again and apologised to the audience. He then screamed at his floor manager:- "They'll be blogging that Stephen Colber is not a pro. Turn all phones off! Stop them!! No blogging whatsoever!"

The rest of the segments went rather quick. It was not just the audience laughing like apes on speed. The crew (including his floor manager) chuckled heartily too. At the end of the second segment, he played a tune using this animal horn type instrument and then walked over to the people in the first row to have them sniff it. Their grimaces spoke volumes.

After the last segment, Stephen squirted some liquid sanitizer on the hands of the same peeps in the first row before he used some of it on himself. It had a touch of the divine. Jesus washed people's feet whilst Colbert cleanses your hands.

He left the studio in a flash and as quickly as he disappeared, we all left chatting amongst ourselves about the evening's experience.

Mariolino confessed that she didnt like him that much. Shocking to say the least, given that to me Stephen Colbert is the Holy Grail of comedy right now but it's horses for courses, eh.

I gotta plan my next clapping session on that show...considering my luck, it might not happen until August 2010.

Like some of you, love only Stephen Colbert and the rest, go watch the David Letterman Show. Ugh.

Miss Pee xx

Finally back in New York - Royal Flush Film Festival promo shoot

After spending three months in Europe where I attended an incredible amount of gigs and events, I am back in the Big Apple reporting on behalf of Minarki. I am also getting ready to launch a new radio show on the channel. It'll be ready by the end of this year.

However, while waiting for a platform to make more noise on the airwaves, I've been and will be attending a bunch of events here in New York. Recently saw Gojira, Burst and Zoroaster perform in Williamsburg. All bands top notch. I had never heard Zoroaster before so that was a pleasant surprise.

Also, Eagle Train, Pelican, Earth and Sunn O))) at the Masonic Temple in Brooklyn. Pelican stood out, shortly followed by Eagle Train. Earth nearly sent me to sleep had it not been for the female drummer who kept my interest up for at least 10 minutes. Thing is, as Earth were on stage, I mistook a guy for somebody else and I told him to fuck off when he told me his identity. And no, it was not Peter Parker that expected me to believe he was actually Spiderman. This guy played drums in a band called Unearthly Trance and he remembered we'd done an interview in Oslo for Tinitus back in 2006. Ahem. It was chatting with him that made the Earth set go by fairly quickly. After that, Holly, Amanda and I went down to the Masonic bar by the toilets of the Brooklyn Temple and as we bit into a free muffin, I noticed this strapping young lad walk in. I waved him to join us and introduced myself. I could see that he seemed a bit unsure as to whether or when he'd met me before. Truth is, we had never met before but I had noticed him on stage earlier that night. And so had Holly. And Amanda. So we agreed that had we seen him around, we'd have a pic taken with him - the Pelican bassist. I believe his name to be Bryan Herweg. He made dancing look cool on stage during their set. He was lovely and chilled but not the sex pot that he looked on stage. Still, we had a chat, took a pic with him to document the evening and we left cos Sunn O))) were about to come on. Not sure what to make of that performance. The main hall was filled with smoke and it was unbearably hot. The introduction, which consisted of a 20-min-long note, made a bunch of people walk out. Guest vocalist, Attila Czihar (Mayhem, Aborym) did what he does best - scream and talk English in a very thick foreign accent. Very suggestive at times and therapeutic too - the odd vibrations and frequencies that made my body resonate cured my back pain. Unusual and arty though hardly something I would make a point of watching again too often. It was worth checking out at least once though. Especially for the finale where Attila wore something that made him look a blend of Chewbacca and Scuzzlebutt (without the Patrick Duffy leg or the celery hand).

I missed the show that I had been looking forward to the most because of illness - Porcupine Tree with support by King's X at Terminal 5 just last night. Really GUTTED but had I gone, I wouldnt have been able to get up early enough to get to the photoshoot for the Royal Flush Film Festival promo in the Bronx today.

James Galus, the man that manages Mindless Self Indulgence and a bunch of other acts also puts on this film festival in New York every year. Check out its site here: www.royalflushfestival.com. He got a team of peeps to shoot the promo for it today and asked me whether I'd like to take part in it. All I had to do was wear a tight red dress with a boobilicious split in the middle and force-snog a 20-year-old boy. I knew James had not requested my presence in this promo for my acting abilities but good God, that sounded too good to miss. The director only asked me and the boy to do that scene three times - a sign that I'd perfected my cougar talents to a T. The young boy did come over to chat in the dressing room, which was sweet but I kept my claws clean this time. But then, again, had he looked like Chewbacca, I might have made an exception.

There were also two main bitch-type characters - Emily (vocalist in September Mourning) and Derenzia (an NYC dom and fetish model) that were supposed to be fighting with each other a bunch of times. We all got to share a dressing room and we generally had a lot of fun. Plus, a girl from LA who currently lives in Philadelphia. She was breath-takingly pretty but rather vacuous at first. I got to chat with her for a bit in between takes and she turned out to be a little smarter than I first thought. James acted like the equivalent to Bob Geldof with Live Aid - he got everyone to work on this for free. Awesome, considering that he invests money into this venture each year. He also did sort out food and transport for each of us girls and was like a tour manager for us today. Bless his gentlemanly socks. Thank you, Mr Galus.

The shoot took place in some college around 200th Street, high up in the Bronx area. It was awesome to visit a place that I have heard so much about but wont be hanging in too often. And I made it back in one piece. Ho.Ho.Ho. I guess the Bronx is not what it used to be anymore anyway.

Pics of the shoot ready in a coupla days. Same with the promo. Cant wait to see it.

Miss Pee

The Kerrang! Awards at The Brewery - Part II...the aftershow of the aftershow!!

Back at the coveted Kerrang! Awards ceremony. A bunch of bands got their awards and Masto Brent sitting next to me confided that he liked them ALL (that included Placebo). I was so impressed when Alice in Chains got on stage to pick up the Icon Award that I have no idea what they said. I bet vocalist William Duvall mentioned he was just a hired gun and was stoked to be part of this legendary band. He needs to come up with a new script. He's been in the band a few years now, hasnt he. A huge fan of their dirgeful tunes, it was exciting to be around them. Without them noticing me in the slightest.



Alice In Chains pick up their Icon Award at the Kerrang! Awards (pic by Pamela Steuri).

Somebody whispered that Slipknot's Corey Taylor got an award for the shortest vocalist with the largest neck. Who could have such clarity of mind at that time of night? It was only 8pm though I doubt anybody in the room was still sober then (we do tend to believe others to be a reflection of ourselves, dont we). I assume that co-host Scott Ian was not mashed. The Anthrax guitarist looked metal as fuck in his non-descript black and leathery type apparel, whilst the Slipknot vocalist resembled a Saturday Night Fever pimp. He carried that baby blue look with panache and was very charming up there. Well done to those two boys, must say. They couldnt have picked a shor...better duo this year.



Birgit Martinussen with Corey 'Saturday Night Fever pimp' Taylor at the K Awards (pic by Pamela Steuri).

Rob Trujillo, representing Metallica, went on stage to pick up the Best Album award for 'Death Magnetic'. Slipknot won Best Live Band and Best International Band and Corey Taylor grabbed them both up wearing a bag on his head (most probably to make a clear distinction between his hosting and award winner roles). Machine Head won the Inspiration Award. Limp Bizkit? Hall of Fame. WTF. When they got on stage, I remember thinking:- "What is Ollie from Legz Akimbo doing up there?"



Ollie from Legz Akimbo (League of Gentlemen character).

But it was actually Limp Bizkit's guitarist Wes Borland with a new hairstyle. The eccentric guitarist went for the greasy-looking bleached barnet.



Here Pamela with Wes Borland (pic by Pamela Steuri).

Not the same specimen that Holly Van Hagar and I lusted after during the Black Light Burns performance at the Fillmore a few months ago. Ugh.



Wes Borland live with Black Light Burns. Droolworthy.

At the main aftershow, Nelly introduced me to Mark Adams who is in charge of Kerrang TV and is involved in a Channel 4 production...? Ahem. I was so delightfully mashed by then that he could have told me he was the new president of Burundi and I would have believed him. I had exchanged some emails with him a few years back and I couldnt believe how handsome he was in real life. Blond hair, blue eyes. Typical Burundian then. After 'making flirties', I went around looking for Chewie.



Chewbacca attended the Kerrang! Awards this year.

On my disjointed walk around the various halls, I bumped into the Lacuna Coil guys who were joking around behind a girl whose skirt looked too short for comfort. I believe one of them knelt down on the floor pretending to eat her ass whilst another took a pic of it. And the girl was oblivious to it all. Italians...



Out in the foyer, I got assaulted by Kerrang!'s ex Ad Sales biatch, Birgit Martinussen (pic by Pamela Steuri).

Birgit has a tendency to wrestle people at disparate times and that was obviously my turn. I have limited wrestling experience but I got her in a headlock right away. However, a short dress, fishnet tights and five-inch heels hardly make the most appropriate wrestling gear.



I got Birgit in a headlock here (pic by Pamela Steuri).

I lost like a snotty little girl as I chuckled till I cried. The thought of punters getting a glimpse of my miniscule stripper thong was too much to bear. In that horrible light, at least.



I'm done right here (pic by Pamela Steuri).



Darren 'let's party' Sanders watched and cheered (pic by Pamela Steuri).



Then we "girls" got up, brushed ourselves off and without missing a beat, we also posed for pictures. Such pros (from left to right, Pamela, Pee, Birgit, Lucy - pic by Pamela Steuri).

Incidentally, Birgit also wrestled Shat's main man Jeff Wood (ex-Dillinger Escape Plan) outside some bar in New Jersey a few years back. I do not know who won but Birgit has been recently wondering why Jeff is not talking to her these days.



Jeff Wood from Shat (ex-Dillinger Escape Plan) in stage gear.

I managed to lose Nelly but bumped into Masto Brann who introduced me to Robert Trujillo. It's a dirty job but someone's gotta shake the bassist's hand at some point, eh. Brann then dragged me down to this underground chamber. Time to get punished for arriving at the ceremony late? Chance would be a fine thing. We just ended up in this room with a bunch of peeps that did not want to get wrestled to the ground by K's staff. Anthrax, Slipknot, Machine Head members and their various partners drank, chatted and smoked like they were above the law. Lee introduced me to Robert Trujillo's wife - a classy blond French lady with a Princess Leia type hair style. "Is it a hairpiece or your real hair," I wondered aloud. "Oh, no, it's my hair," she replied giggling. "It is very long when I let it down." My type of girl.

Rob came over to whisk her away whilst Masto Brann grabbed my hand and dragged me out. "We're going to the Met Bar with Rob," the drummer explained in a haste as I was lost in a haze. On our way out I pulled Masto Brent with us. I had no idea how I managed to run on the cobbled pavement outside wearing my Betty Boop type shoes without falling flat on my face. Brann pushed me into a car and off we went to this other bar. Lee joined us a little later. Michelle from Roadrunner was there with the Machine Head guys. The RR iron lady (aka the label's Head of Press) was wearing a pretty floral dress. I offered to wrestle her. She agreed to do it outside. I giggled. She told me I was lame. No, Michelle, I have just remembered that I am wearing a silly dress and even sillier shoes. And I dont particularly fancy lathering my tights right now. How 'poo poo pee do' of me.



Masto Brann watches over Masto madman Brent Hinds at the Met Bar. Too late, mate. We were all too fucked by then...

I do not remember much of anything else but I must have made it home cos I woke up the following day and my tights were still in one piece. On the floor.

The day after, I was supposed to return to Milan and I missed my plane. I booked myself on the next available flight (6am the day after) and I spent the night at Stanstead, drinking coffee and updating my Facebook status. Life in the fast lane.

Phil Dowsett from Fundaforest, Greentreeco and Zoofari came over to meet me and keep me company. We have planned to join forces to make this planet a better place. Youthful folly (without the "youth"). Watch this space...

More irrelevant bollocks coming up, will update as soon as I have a spare minute.

Like most of you, love only one and the rest, get ready for Bloodstock and Reading. I'll miss both events this year to hang out with my mum.

Mashed Head Pee xx

The Kerrang! Awards at The Brewery - Part I...

The day of the Kerrang! Awards. Exciting. Masto Brann gave me the choice of going to his hotel and getting in a cab with the band or turning up at The Brewery at 18:15 so I could walk into the K Awards venue with them. I opted to meet them at The Brewery and managed to get there five minutes too late. They had already gone in. Luckily, the lovely Emma from Warner came out to give me the ticket and I queued up to get the wristband. In front of me, the guys from Alice In Chains and behind me, Chester Bennington from Linkin Park. Awkward.

I went in and apologised to Brann, he introduced me to Stephanie (Corey's girl), I kissed and hugged Troy and then I went outside for a cigarette. There I bumped into Marco, Lacuna Coil's bassist. A slice of home, awesome. He and Mouse entertained me with their Italian slang about picking up chicks. Somehow they explained that Italian women are tough to get in the sack but once they give "it" to you, it's worth the wait and hard work. That's most probably what Chewie thought after we finally slept together last week. "Awesome" was the way he described it. And I cannot believe I actually gave into my favourite Wookie after two and a half years...it was totally worth it. Gaaaaargle.



Here with Marco from Lacuna Coil

As I chatted to the Lacuna Coil boys, Mike Inez from AIC came out for a cigarette. I went a little stiff (my five-inch heel got stuck on the irregular pattern of the cobbled pavement at the venue). Lacuna Coil toured with AIC in Australia so the boys hugged and kissed each other and exchanged a few pleasantries...Marco introduced me to Mike and as we all got locked in conversation, the AIC bassist wondered how yesterday's Sonisphere show went down. The LC guys didnt attend the festival so that was my cue to spit a few words out in the presence of the member of one of my favourite bands growing up..."The sound was perfect and I enjoyed the two new songs," I offered. "Which ones did we play," Mike asked. "I cant remember their titles, I just know what string to hit on my bass..." How cute are these artists that pretend to be total retards?! Jerry Cantrell also came out for a cigarette and he looked serene...unlike the last time I met him - it was 2002 and three months after Staley died - when he was constantly in a bad mood, slightly inhebriated and walked out on the interview. Blessssssssss

I went inside to mingle and chatted with Sarah (Lees, Century Media) and the other Lacuna Coil boys, saw Cristina and glam CM boy Dave Gulvin. I also bumped into a dear buddy I used to hang out with years before, Amanda Williams who won awards for best pr for the Bloodhound Gang's 'Hooray For Boobies' campaign back in the day. I then posed for pics with Machine Head Dave McClain and Masto Brann, then Brann and I made our way into the ceremony hall. We sat on the Masto table that was near the stage. I told him that I felt they'd win the award for Best Video. "We are the only ones nominated in that category," he joked. As it turned out, Mastodon DID win that award for 'Oblivion' and they'd had been told in advance. "Why the fuck didnt you tell me?" I raised my right eyebrow (I was too sloshed to lift the other one up). "You said you felt we'd win," Brann grinned. "And you were right, so..."



Masto Brann is always so sweet with me...

The ceremony began shortly after Troy, Darren and Brent sat down. Squeezed between Brent and Brann, I knew that entertainment would mostly come from our table. Brent started to throw stuff at the stage pretty much from the start so I encouraged him by pointing at items on the table that were loose and useless. I didnt expect him to go for the full beer cans but that's Mr Hinds. He does not discriminate. We ate rubber snakes (sweets), drank beer and white wine...I got inhebriated very quickly though I managed to behave myself. There's always a first time, eh?



With Masto madman, Brent Hinds...

As I looked around the room, I saw Alice In Chains and Robert Trujillo from Metallica at the table behind us. Linkin Park and Buckcherry on our left and Limp Bizkit two tables to our right. It was both surreal and indifferent at the same time. I was at the table with my favourite peeps anyway. Remember that mantra 'there could never be enough Mastodon in my life?" It still stands and right now I wonder how far that'll go. The Grammys next year?

Gotta get ready to catch my plane back to Milan now. In Part II of this super irrelevant blog, what happened when Limp Bizkit went on stage, why did Corey Taylor picked up an award wearing a brown bag and what went on during the aftershow, aside Ad Sales Birgit Martinussen wrestling me to the ground in the foyer? Plus, Brann dragged me over to the Met Bar with various members of Anthrax, Slipknot, Metallica, Machine Head etc...a surreal night seen from the eyes of a drunken Biatch hanging out with her favourite Masto peeps.

One band was missed - Coheed and Cambria. Luckily, their manager Blaze was hanging out at the ceremony. Always a pleasure to see him.



Here with Blaze James, manager of the awesome Coheed and Cambria

Loathe most of you, still love only one - Chewie and the rest get lost in Wes Borland's newly bleached barnet.

Mashed Head Pee :) xx

ps. more pics of this night on Facebook...

Sonisphere festival, 2nd Aug - $200 haircuts, Alice in Chains, Mastodon, Lamb of God and the rest!

I slept on the floor in a room I shared with Nelly, Silvye and Nina at the Holiday Inn in Stevenage. I wore my back ache with pride on Sunday 'cos I was still high on Sancho from the day before. Excited about the more metal proposition on the bill that day and looking forward to seeing Chewie meant that I only had one meal that day: breakfast. Who needs to injest food to generate fuel when your adrenalin reserves are in overdrive? I had no idea what to expect from Chewie that day though I was looking forward to seeing him. As Nelly and Nina went on to work, Silvye and I made our way to the site in a very leisurely fashion. First person we bumped into when we got there was Masto drummer, Brann Dailor. Gosh, always a pleasure, Brann is fun to chat with and whilst he went off to sort some stuff out with his tm, Silvye and I made our way to the big stage to watch Killing Joke.



The show lasted 30mins but it was ace. Jaz Coleman still resembles a nepharious man of the cloth notwithstanding the fact that life has ploughed a few extra lines on his face. Did they play 'Life Like Blood'? Yes.

We also watched Lamb of God on the main stage. As Silvye, Gillian and I got there, Lamb of God had been on for a couple of songs. This young dude comes over to me and whispers in my ears "Hey, would you flash your tits for me?" He seemed disappointed when I laughed so hard in his face that his features changed a la 'Mask'.

As we got out of the main festival enclosure to return to the vip artist bar after vocalist Randy Blythe bellowed such tracks as 'Walk with me in hell' and 'You got something to die for...', we bumped into Masto Brent. "Patrizia, do you know where our dressing room is?" Ahem. Brent, do I look like your tour manager? I directed him to the area where I'd last seen Brann and he ran off after Lamb of God's Randy Blythe who in the meantime had got off stage and was just a few metres ahead of us. Blesssssssss...love Brent.

After spending an hour or so in the vip bar, Silvye and I made our way to see Mastodon...very cool sound and fab show all 'round. From 'Oblivion', 'Crack the Skye' and 'The Czar' to 'Blood and Thunder' and a handful of older tunes, the Atlanta boys played to the most intense of their abilities. After the show, Silvye and I took a shortcut to return to the vip artist bar that meant we had to walk past the back of the stage. We bumped into the sweaty Masto boys and I introduced Silvye to Troy, Brann and 'let's party' Darren. Brann told me he had to do a bunch of interviews but wanted to have a beer and hang out afterwards. "Do you have the blue wristband?" He asked me. "Oh yeah," I reassured him. "We have the right wristbands, we can go everywhere..." As we were about to leave, someone screamed "Patrizia, you're not going to say hi to me, then?" It was Masto Bill. "You had a haircut since I saw you in Oslo?" I wondered. "Yeah, I did, in Copenhagen, it cost me $200..." Silvye and I then left them to it and returned to the vip artist bar and sat down with two guys we didnt know. Will works at SJM. "I met one of your colleagues, Johnny Phillips at the Coheed and Cambria Neverender shows in London last December...I'm a huge fan of Coheed, in fact my term of endearment for them is Sancho..."



Here The Biatches with Travis, Claudio and Mic from the awesome "Sancho" (aka. Coheed and Cambria) at Sonisphere...

Will then introduced me to his mate Craig who was sitting next to him. "Craig is obsessed with Coheed..." And that was it. Craig and I got locked into nerd conversation about Sancho whilst Silvye and Will just looked at each other, gobsmacked. Are these two for real? I could see it in their eyes. Now Craig is one of my friends on Facebook...



Here at the backstage vip bar with 'mad-for-Coheed' fan Craig, Sonisphere festival...

It was soon time to watch Feeder. I always thought of them as very wishy-washy back in the day. On Sunday, I loved their show. Hardly surprising as my taste in music has softened up in the last couple of years - Panic at the Disco, anyone? I bumped into Total Rock Talita Two-Shoes and caught up on a bunch of bollocks, including seeing Sancho the day before. "Did you get a "wide-on" during the Coheed and Cambria show?" Talita asked me. And what the fuck is that, I wondered..."It's the female equivalent to a "hard-on"," she retorted. "Think about it..." Aaaa-hhhhhhhhaaaaa!!! Yes, I did. No doubt about it.

After that, Silvye and Nelly went to watch Limp Bizkit. I stayed put and chatted with Lee, Nina and Masto fan Brian, an American guy that lives in the UK and follows Mastodon nearly as much as this Biatch over here. Then the girls from Nemhain (Amber and Lisa) and Paradise Lost Greg Mac came over to say hi...bumped into Aaron and Nick from PL too and told Nick I really wanted to see their show but they were on too early (11:50am). Nick told me I'd not missed anything. It was time to go over to see Alice in Chains. The '90s' grunge super group put on a fab 'greatest hits' show ('Would?', 'Them Bones', 'Man in a Box'...)whilst showcasing two songs ('A looking in view' and 'Check My Brain'), from the new album 'Black gives way to blue'. Cool gig, with vocalist William Duvall doing his best to balance those big shoes to fill and doing it in his personal style. Duvall hits all notes though he cannot fill them with the same growls and vibratos as Staley did. Layne spoiled us all with his distinguished delivery and I still miss it.

I made my way back to the vip artist bar after AIC to find Nelly and Silvye but bumped into Nina and Lee again. Masto Brann came over to say hi and mentioned he'd done all his interviews that day. He was now a free man with a beer in his hand. I asked him whether he would be going to the Kerrang! Awards the day after. He nodded and asked me whether I'd be there. "No, I wont be there this time 'cos there are no spaces for foreign media this year..." So Brann rang someone and when he came off the phone, he said "I can get you in..." Fuck yeah! That man is so good to me. Then Nelly and Silvye came over to get me to watch Nine Inch Nails. The gig was very intense if highly disappointing. Reznor obviously picked the most chilled out tunes in his repertoire and played for himself rather than the crowd. I could hear people chatter around me whilst the sound coming from the stage was rather low. We returned to the vip artist bar disappointed. To me, Nine Inch Nails make the ultimate music to fuck to. Though on Sunday, they entertained like old people make love. If they do at all, that is.

Next: Metallica...the headliners...James Hetfield...the birthday boy...wearing cream cake in front of 50 000 people (and loving it).

Head Mashed Pee